Yellow Hope

A second day dawns and still no sky to be seen.

There is something about an overcast day that gnaws at my peace.  It’s one thing if there are clouds defined, if you can see a storm coming.  But an overcast day feels like the absence of hope.  All grey, no color, all stagnant, no end, no peace.

Today, it seems like the physical manifestation of how I feel on the inside.

The enemy has been hard at work this week.  I’ve was disappointed in a relationship so he rushed in like a flood.  Discouragement, fear and doubt bombard bombard.  It’s so thick on me that even my limbs feel heavy.  Fatigue hovers like the overcast sky outside, blocking out yellow sun.

As I drive to work, I call mom.  She prays.  God hears and help comes.  The day continues gray but something lifts.  Somewhere inside sun breaks through a mental cloud.  Breathing gets a little easier.

Eight hours of the work day tick by.  At the end of day, I walk out of the building and something has changed.  The skies have opened, not with rain but with sun.  Overcast sky shredded by wind is now blue again in big blue patches.  Sunlight streams through the clouds in visible yellow rays.

I wish I could lie on my back outside and stare up into blue, breathe in

I get home, get out of my car, begin the walk to my door.  Through the grass and under the oak tree, I walk tired after the battle of the day.  Suddenly I stop and realize that I am shuffling through yellow leaves.

In the same dream course that taught me the meaning of blue, I learned something else.  Yellow means hope.

They cover all the grass and lay thick on the steps leading to my house. Leaves of hope.  Step. Hope.  Step.  Hope.

There on the ground at my feet is proof.  Even in the fall, there is hope.

In my weakness, he is strong.

When the leaves are falling…

When I wonder if I will ever see blue sky again…

Hope paves my path.  Light shines in the darkness.

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Sun Behind Clouds

Her t-shirt read: “I love my church”. She was a stranger walking out
of Starbucks and I was sitting at a table outside, just noticing.

I smiled at the boldness of wearing that on one’s shirt, then I smiled
in wholehearted agreement with her.

It’s the people. It’s the togetherness. It’s the way you feel the
presence of our Creator when two or three are gathered, instruments of
his glory each and every one.

There is nothing else like it.

One summer day, it’s my half day and I’m home from work early. In the
sunny afternoon I bask in the glory of the pool. Clear and blue–I
float on water. The sun is warm and the breeze makes the trees sway.
On the surface, lovely.

But beyond this glory, I feel this cloud of discouragement threatening
the sun. Something nags, something gnaws at me. Doubt speaks, “You’re
not really happy. Don’t take all the sunniness at face value. It never
lasts.” Bad dreams from the night before push into the sunlight and
hope dims. All the struggles of life at present are highlighted in my
mind and heart.

My Spirit reels. What is this doubt? Why this frustration? Leave me
alone! It’s not true! It’s not true! I know who my sun is and that he
will never leave me nor forsake me! I fight and I fight and I fight.

Still the cloud advances. This one is strong and I need reinforcements
if I’m going to stand in the light of the truth.

So I run to community group. It’s not even my group. It’s my sister’s
group but I go anyway.

Unity protects with proof that together we are stronger than when we
stand alone.

Dear friends open their home to us. One storyteller recounts the story
of this Jesus. We remember how lucky we are, how nothing can blot out
our sun. I sit in the blinding light of the truth and try to breathe
it into my soul. I am safe, I am loved, I am whole.
Group members open up their hearts for all to see. Many have also felt
the cloud of discouragement looming. Gathered together we see that we
are not alone. The Liar has been active in other lives too so we
boldly come before our Father. And wouldn’t you know…the blue begins
to flow.

Revelation once again at hand and in heart.

We hear his voice and he gives us pictures of how he sees us. One girl
is a beautiful diamond ring in just the perfect setting.
For me and my sister, blue comes in a picture of the sun rising, light
flooding our apartment and turning the walls a sunny yellow. It’s
evidence of darkness and cloud being disbursed in rays of glorious
light.

We keep asking and more heaven blue revelation flows down. As tears
come down my face, so doubt dissolves under the evidence of love and
the solidity of truth. I AM safe. I AM loved. I AM whole.

Blue is yet again, just what I need to see and hear. I remember that
there is hope, that no doubt or discouragement can block my Savior’s
sun.

Life in Blue

Blue is a primary color.  
 
In my life, it is THE primary color.
 
It is but slowly that I have come to accept, trust and love this life in blue.
 
Long have I been drawn by this desire to see through a blue lens, to behold as the God eyes behold.  To have visual access to the eternity that has been set in my heart by my creator.  I am nothing, only deeply loved by the monarch of the universe.  That’s all.  And so I look with the eyes of the Spirit graciously given to me, then I feebly try with a strength also gifted to relay to others through English words what I see.
 
I probably sound like a mystery, or maybe just plain crazy.  It doesn’t matter to me anymore.  I don’t want to see life any other way than in blue.  I even see blue when I sleep.
 
Once, I slept and dreamed that I was looking up at the sky.  The sky of the earth shrunk into a speck as it was overtaken by a cobalt blue water sky.  The beauty of it pierced me to my core, made my eyes well and my heart swell .  It drew me in.  How I longed to plunge into its depths, to see how far the blue went.  I wanted to be soaking wet in the wonder of blue.
 
In the waking, the meaning of the dream is beyond me.  So I ask the one who knows all things, the giver of blue.  He says that it is a picture of my gifting.  It is the way that I will live my life, captivated by blue and obsessed with plunging the depths of blue.  
 
The blue dream becomes a reality.  The blue lens slowly comes to rest over my eyes and I see heavenly realities for myself, my family and my church.  I pass the sights along to them and they feel blue as it rains from heaven.  They see the wonder of it, the way that it shapes and molds.  Together, because of the blue, we become the likeness of our greatest eternal love. 
 
At first it’s scary (and sometimes it still is) to share the heaven images.  I still ask myself if the blue is a crazy notion that I only imagined.   But then I see what blue does, how it impacts when other look through the blue lens.  
 
Blue heals.
Blue breaks chains.
Blue opens eyes.
Blue crushes fear.
Blue lifts the downhearted.
Blue is life.
 
It’s not fiction, it is reality.
 
What is blue?  What does it mean?  
 
Blue means revelation.  Specifically, revelation that God gives of himself and his heaven to his precious, loved children.  
 
I’m not here to prove why that’s true.  Go look for the intellectual and proven meaning of blue from another author.  I only tell the blue I see with the gut conviction that it comes from Him, the source of truth, and that it is fueled by His love that spans eternity.
 
I heard of the meaning of blue from a good friend.  This friend was teaching a dream interpretation class that I attended.  In that class, I learned the meaning of many colors but none stayed with me like blue.  Blue = revelation.  That’s what he said. 
 
I did not merely take this teacher at his word.  I had it proven in my dreams and in my spirit time and time again.  I would see blue in dreams, whether in the waking or sleeping, and I would just know that revelation was at hand.  The spirit world was breaking in for me to behold.
 
So in my life, it is my constant pursuit and endeavor to ride the blue wave, to see heaven in all its blue glory.  To hold the face of heaven in my hands and stare into his blue eyes.
 
To some it will sound like gibberish. To others, as it has been for me, life in blue will be the oasis you’ve been searching for.